I hit the 6-months pregnant mark on Monday. My belly is filled with 2 24-week babies that squirm and kick and punch like crazy. I’m in love with being pregnant.

I think I’m good at being pregnant, too. Despite some drama, things have been pretty smooth sailing over here in pregnancy land…

Except for one thing:

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that in a little more than 3 months time, this lump of mine that I adore so much is going to transform into two babies.

How does this...

How does this…

...turn into this? (Please let them be this cute!)

…turn into this? (Please let them be this cute!)

Belle wrote a great post about this recently, and I’m certainly not saying anything new here. It was really comforting to read another person’s story that sounded so much like my own. I’m chalking this up to my finely tuned defense mechanisms that I built pretty solidly for the 2 years of misery we experienced while trying for babies. Now the time has actually come, and I’m not sure how to let myself really settle into all of this. I rub my belly all the time, I watch it move around, but there’s still something missing there where I can’t connect those things with the living beings that are inside. I thought once I felt them kick, that would be it, I would make the connection, but it didn’t happen. I’m still in total denial of what comes after this.

My cat knows something is up, even if I don’t. If I’m sitting down, she no longer sits on my stomach, but sits on my boobs that create a little shelf for her. It’s the most awkward thing to watch. She kind of hates it, but wants to be close, I keep shoving her butt out of my face, but I want her close…It’s hard on us both. Our dining room is turning into Baby Supply Central, and she pretty much avoids everything baby-related at all costs. This cat is terrified of children, and I think she knows that her peaceful days are numbered. Sorry, sweet puss. Apparently this massive belly is housing two tiny terrorizers.

So back to my initial reason for posting: what do I do about this? How can I start allowing myself to feel more connected to what’s happening inside me? I don’t want to miss out on what could very possibly be my only pregnancy.

-Large and In Charge Family Van.

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