Last month was another failed cycle. I didn’t have the heart to test, so I stopped taking the progesterone, and my period started a day later. It’s never been so quick, so clearly my body was ready to tell me the answer to the burning two-week question. Last week was also the first week back to school. I was scheduled to test on Monday, the day before school started. Not a chance was that going to happen, so I put it off…and then put it off some more…and then on Thursday dear Aunt Flo decided to pay me a visit. It was a turd of a morning (I don’t need to tell you), but my class this year (so far) has been like a dream. We had a great day on Thursday and once again, without them knowing, a group of students were able to lift my spirits from another month of failure.

I prepared myself for what I was sure would be a really difficult cycle monitoring appointment on Saturday, remembering the doctor telling me if my left fallopian tube remained inflamed we would have to do surgery again. I had been pretty uncomfortable for the entire two week wait, and was convinced it was still filled with fluid. I talked it over with my mum and with J. My mum’s sage-like advice was to give things a bit of a break, and to begin the inevitable IVF in December when I’d have some time off of work anyway. I talked this over with J, and as always, he said whatever I wanted to do was fine. I think I asked him (or maybe he just sensed that I needed it) to come to Saturday’s appointment with me to hear what the doctor was saying. He was there, and made the whole process a lot better.

Having a bum (or absent) fallopian tube is certainly not the worst thing in the world, I know this. I was more concerned about the time I would have to take off from school. In these early stages of the year, it’s so important for me to be there to get routines established and solidified. The thought of being off for a week in September was causing me a lot of stress.

So we got to the stage of the appointment when we talk to the doctor, and I braced myself for the news. As it turns out, it wasn’t the news I was expecting: the fluid seems to be gone. The tube is no longer inflamed. This is great news, though I’m taking it cautiously. My doctor said these things were like “the elephant in the room” (which I think he was trying to say is impossible to miss), but I feel mild to moderate discomfort on my left side pretty much every day, multiple times throughout the day. He said to ask the x-ray technicians to look out for it, but that at this stage, he wouldn’t operate on it.

Big sigh of relief came here.

So we talked about our options for this month. He mentioned IVF, which I said we weren’t ready for, and he agreed that it could be hasty as we’re still pretty fresh from the surgery date. I’ll be doing another month of injectables, and he said he’d like to be slightly more aggressive with them this month. I’m young, he said (to which I had to remind him that I have only two years left of being considered young for this whole IF business), and the results he’s been seeing have been promising. “That’s so good to hear”, I told him, as it’s rare to hear his opinion on my situation.

We’ve got a review appointment booked for early October, where we’ll sit down and talk about what we’ve done so far and where we should be going. At that point, he’ll go over the steps for IVF with us, and we can make a decision about what to do from there.

I’m trying to look at the positives here. What I came up with was this: had I been pregnant this month, I wouldn’t have been able to finish the year with this class. I think this is going to be one of my best teaching years, because of both the kids that I’ve got and my confidence in my teaching abilities. I’ve been super pumped about this group since late last year (when I found out who I was getting), and I think it would have been really hard to leave them at the end. Also, if I (fingers crossed so hard I can’t feel them anymore) get pregnant within the next two months, I’ll be starting my mat leave in the summer. Totally ideal for a teacher, as I wouldn’t be starting with a class and then leaving, and I also wouldn’t be coming back to a class after my mat leave mid-way through the year. Now, pregnancy fairies, if you’re listening, this is not to say that I wouldn’t ABSOLUTELY WELCOME a pregnancy at any time of the year, but if beggars COULD be choosers…this would be an ideal situation.

What do french dogs have to do with any of this? It was chilly today, and I was able to wear my french dog pajamas for the first time since my Gran gave them to me in England. Here’s a photo.

Je t’aime aussi, French dogs. More than you’ll ever know…

They are the cutest things ever. The wiener dogs are wearing berets and kissing, and underneath them it says “Je t’aime”.

-Begging to Choose Regular Van.